


By the Lakeside

by TopHatBadger



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst and Humor, Heartbreak, Heavy flirting, Multi, Murder Plot, POV First Person, Self-Destruction, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, before Sunset - Freeform, bisexual Ashfur, implied ashfur/cloudtail and brightheart, kind of gay Hawkfrost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3859606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopHatBadger/pseuds/TopHatBadger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Squirrelflight had walked away from their relationship, Ashfur has started to collapse, his own world becoming little more than a place of desperation, rage, and grudges held against his former mate. So much so that he has agreed to make Squirrelflight pay for the pain she caused him. By killing someone she loves. With the help of one of Tigerstar's offspring, Hawkfrost, Ashfur not only decides someone's fate in a night but also discovers how disturbed and twisted he really has become...</p>
            </blockquote>





	By the Lakeside

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is meant to be part of a contest offsite and that was really the only place I was going to post this but I felt kind of proud of it so I decided to post it here. Mostly because I don't think I made a bunch of mistakes using first person pronouns and writing Ashfur's angst. (Maybe its not the best but I still feel kind of happy about it.)  
> Hope you guys enjoy though!

This past moon I dreamed about this night. Practicing the words I would say. My proposal to the tom had been practiced numerous times earlier. My posture, my voice, and my words were all fresh in my mind. I was ready. And I still practiced as I padded through the deep underbrush of my clan's forest. And while the forest has been my clan and my home, it suddenly started to feel foreign and dangerous tonight. All the times I came out here to clear my wretched mind, hunting with my friends, scratching that one tree with...Squirrelflight, suddenly disappeared with the fear of being spotted late at night. Like her love...

Remembering that she-cat sent a waves of anger through me. My blood became hot. All of these days and nights we spend; grooming, licking each other's fur, lying around, hunting, and whispers things in each other's ear things the clan didn't need to hear. Every step I took over some uprooted tree root and stone filled my head with all the sweet nothings she said. I desperately growled to myself, please please please go away. I was getting sick of it.

I became more aggressive in my walking, knowing those little whispers were the reason I was out here. Those little lies. I came out on a night where the moon didn't shine for her betrayal. My intent, of course was, steal away something that was were like she did with my heart. A night with no moon and stars present was perfect for this. A night where the guilt of my mother in Starclan weeping at how her son became such a terrible and cold cat, didn't bother me.

The refreshment of my purpose out here refreshed me of my confidence and urgency of getting my task done. The forest broke free from my view, a darkness covered lake appeared away from Thunderclan's brush. The meeting spot was just further down from here. Just where the lake lapped at the land's paws. The confidence I had slowly started to drain away as my paws struggled to find sand that wasn't loose under my paws. Something that made me feel strudy. Just something that didn't resemble my inner turmoil. 

I stood near the shore with the sound of waves gently lapped near my. My claws raked the ground below, impatiently. Where was he? The Riverclan tom told me at the gathering, he would meet at the night of the new moon. A night too dark for any cat to see us clearly from a distance. By the shore. Here. Like right now. My claws dug deeper into mud. What felt like an hour passed by me, starting to wonder if the tom was serious. If he was serious about "handling" someone close to her. I hope he was. I needed to hurt her. Somehow. I just was desperate.

Suddenly the bushes rustled. I jumped to my paws. Who is that? The one thing that I didn't practice earlier is if a "fellow" clanmate found me. Please don't be.  
But a foreign figure appeared instead. A cat too bulky of a frame to be a slender Thunderclan cat. A muscular brown furred tom shouldered his way through the bushes, his white chest visibly pricked by some of the branches. Straightening himself, I could see he was taller than me.The other cat opened his eyes, revealing two striking chips of ice. Only one tom he knew had eyes that haunting.

...Hawkfrost.

Hawkfrost started to stride towards me, slithering across the smooth sand.  
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach again. What I was going to say, do, and stand was gone. I kept my mouth shut as the Riverclan tom stopped only a tail length away from me. He also kept up the silence instead his blue eyes scanned me up and down. Like I was a piece of prey...  
I took a couple of steps back with that in mind and his eyes snapped back to my gaze.

"I thought you Thunder cats preferred to stay off the sand and in your trees," He inquired, getting a small chuckle from me. 

"Well you Riverclanners like your toes getting a little wet," I jokingly commented. I stopped my chuckling seeing that Hawkfrost really didn't laugh or even crack a small smile. He stared at me. With those eyes.  
Pretending to clear my throat, my nervousness returned. Hawkfrost was waiting. His humorless expression told me he was serious. Oh starclan he was. Fumbling with the words I spoke, "Business, right?"

"Right."

Right...

Hawkfrost nodded and continued on, "So we came here to discuss a cat you said I would be interested in?"

My stomach started to twist into a knot. Should I do this...could I get away with this? Maybe. "Y-yes. I did. See I have been having trouble lately with this one she cat, I know, you have met her before. Squirelflight, " Hawk listened to me explain, his cold eyes staring back into my equally icy gaze. I tried hard to resist urges to back out now. To avoid my normal anxious laughing and telling the other that it was a joke. No. I needed to do this. Get back at her in some way. I can't be a wimp now! My key to revenge was standing right in front of me! A way for me to hurt Squirrelflight the same way she hurt me and remain hidden and I was stumbling and doubting this. No. I'm not. I'm fine. I'm taking it before Hawkfrost walks away from this. 

"And I. Well. She hurt me. She ripped out my heart and I want to know if. If you or some cat you know-," Hawkfrost interrupted,stepped closer to me with a smug smile on his face. My fur started to raise on it's end. I wanted to move but found out my paws had sunken into the mud of the sand. The watery and fishy smell of the Riverclan warrior rolled towards me as he had to only be a whisker length away from my face. His eyes locked onto my own. Oh my stars.  
Hawkfrost chuckled quietly, studying my reaction, his ego must have been stroked by the shock on my face. Oh he must have taken pleasure in the discomfort I was feeling. Almost wanted to snap at him to back up but I didn't have the guts and a small part of me welcomed his sudden closeness. Maybe I was desperate and wanted another other cat to be this close to me again, even if it would never be Squirrelflight. But then again I had felt a pinch of longing of the tom since we were introduced by Brambleclaw, long ago. 

He chuckled softly, continuing on with his disruption,"Trust me. I'm not going to need another cat to do this. But tell me, do you want me to roughen her up or go for her family's neck?" 

I paused for a while. Not because of the fact Hawkfrost had eagerly offered to kill one of Squirrelflight's relatives but the fact I couldn't think of the name on my mind before. Someone to cause her the most pain.  
Mousedung! Who did I have in mind!? 

Beating up Squirrelflight was too obvious and because he wants her to suffer through it. Not killed quickly and cleanly. Leafpool? No. She's been nice to me and she has never been involved in this. It would be terrible to drag a she cat like her into this mess. And she was the clan's only medicine cat. Killing her was likely not going to benefit me or anyone else.  
Brambleclaw? ....mmmm...

Again interrupted in my thoughts, Hawkfrost scoffed quietly, briefly shaking his head. The tom cat stopped and still look up and down my much smaller and shorter frame. I followed his traveling gaze for once but didn't follow him back up. I fell on my paws. I was shaking. My paws trembled in the sand and so did my forearms. My heart almost felt like it was pounding. From the anxiety and fear I felt about this or the fact that I was willing to let some tom make me squirm like this, I wasn't sure. I straighten myself soon. Hawkfrost seemed to notice but didn't pay much mind, thinking. He stared to the side of him, his open mouth reveal his sharp fangs. A pale pink tongue ran over the tips and sides of his canines as he took a what had to be forever to think. I got a sudden chill down my spine, looking at how sharpen the tom's teeth were and how his tongue ran over them. How nasty those teeth must have been, tearing any cats' flesh. How nasty it would be if they tore into my flesh...

Hawkfrost finally stopped and closed his mouth in a small grin. His teeth poked out and his sharpest peeked out from behind his lips. I didn't like that grin. 

The dark brown tabby looked back to me with that smile, "You're well aware of Squirrelflight's blood right?"

"You mean?"

"Yes. Her father? The kittypet leader," I stared almost blankly at the tom, getting reminded of a little spoken fact that our leader did come from the warm comforts of a twoleg home. Taking my nodding as a yes he went on. 

"His house cat blood has spread throughout the clan into many cats. The fact that he is the most important cat in the clan has given your half clan mates pride in themselves...like perhaps Squirrelflight," He started, speaking without a single stutter and with full confidence. What I kill for to have the same grace speaking on the spot like that.

"She must be very proud of her father. Such pride that even though he come from a comfortable start in life that he still holds a position, a power like that. Well, what would happen if he seemed to...be robbed of that power?"

...Killing Firestar? Could he do that? Could we get away with that?? It was unlikely but maybe they could. After all, the fire coated leader seemed to be losing his own flares due to his old age and maybe even his last few lives. If the two of us were lucky enough to steal away his last couple of lives. My mind started screaming and hollering at me in utter shock, crying about how I was crazy. How I am a traitor and how disgusting and cowardly I really have become. Almost as if he could hearing my inner turmoil, Hawkfrost's smile grew a little bigger and leaned so much closer to me.The glint in his icy blue eyes just whispered, ' Forget whatever your saying to yourself. Anything the voices in your head tell you. Nothing they can say will make seeing that little, petty, ginger she cat bawling and sobbing her eyes out, any less worth it.'

I sat there in silence, listening the utter chaos of noise in my own head. As if the storm of screaming and yowling took place outside, my ears pulled back and my eyes closed. Upon closing my eyes, I saw the faint outline of a cliff's edge, my claws gripping the crumbling pebbles while many of the disembodied voices were desperately crying at me. Begging me not to do this. Not to agree. Something about blood being on my claws and how I'll never forgive myself as if they hadn't realize that I hated and despised my own existence after I let her walk away. 

A voice outside of my own turmoil called out.  
"Well?"

This was it. This was the point of no return. The jumping off point at the cliff's crumbling edge. I stood at the end, trembling and doubting myself almost a thousand times. Not for the right reasons. My inner voices got louder, pounding in my head, as I thought more about if I really get away with, basically, murder than how this was going to affect my clan, Sandstorm, and Leafpool. I swore I heard the voice of my mother, Brindleface, getting choked by her own flood mixed with salty tears and mucus running down her face. Like when my littermates, besides me and Ferncloud, had their lives stolen away before they could experience life...

In spite of it all, I filled my lungs to the brim with air. Then I finally found my lips finally able to mutter the words. 

"Yes."

I tumbled downwards. This was it. No going back for me. No way could I ever go back. No way to redeem myself. As I tumbled into the unknown, I discovered that I felt no regret or sorrow in my choice. Disturbingly, I felt happy.

As I opened my eyes again, Hawkfrost's toothy grin and half closed eyes was what greeted me first. He greeted the newest tom in Thunderclan's history, next to Tigerstar, that finally lost his way. But then again I'm sure that Hawkfrost was in the same place I just entered.

"Good. You're one of the smart ones," Putting his paw on my shoulder, chuckling softly. I weakly smiled in return.  
"We'll meet up a couple nights soon so we can plan how to go about this. Until then, keep a eye on the old badger," The large Riverclan warrior was about to turn away but soon faced me again with the same smug grin he got when he thought of the murder plan.

"Oh Ashfur. Another thing. Besides business," I didn't expect what he would do after those six words. Hawkfrost got close. Closer than when we were speaking and when he was studying me. My whiskers twitched at the touch of his breath on them. He seemed to pause, hesitating. The second he had paused started to make my heart flutter and pound in my chest, my back legs got a tiny bit weak. I need to say something...back off? Step back?? Wow there??? He was so close. So so close. Why why why?? Hawkfrost gave me no time to speak, sticking his tongue out, slowing and tenderly licking the tips of my lips and my nose before pulling back quickly.

What the-! Staring at the tabby whose expression seemed to indict that nothing happened just in that moment, made my face heat up in blush. Embarrassed. Embarrassed that I just let something like that happen. Just let him steal a kiss like that?! Another part of me transported me back to such earlier days of being an apprentice. When Cloudtail and Brightheart 'kissed' me in our apprentice days to ruffle my fur. Cause they knew my little secret...they knew that made me upset and so they did it a lot. Kind of teasing me. Thinking about it I'm certain that Squirrelflight was doing the same thing too. Expect I fell for her tease, every time she kissed me.  
He was starting to take a couple of paw steps away from me. Oh heck no. I jumped up to the side of him. I didn't have a clear idea what to say but I was going to say it. My mouth opened but Hawkfrost started to talk again, as if he thinks he is my voice.

"Ash, you’re a cute kit and all,"  
I seriously got offended by that. I mean I was so much older than him....right?  
"Just was congratulating you though. Nothing much."  
Yeah. Sure. Nothing much, Hawk. Yeah a little kiss wasn't anything. I guess the way you stared at me like fresh kill and that look in your....admittedly beautiful icy blue eyes wasn't anything at all. Nope.  
Hawkfrost dropped the subject, breaking the silence of me fuming over his nonchalant attitude. 

"We'll discuss how we're going to off the old kittypet about two or three nights from now," Hawkfrost stared getting a normal 'yeah' from me.

"Also,"  
What now? What more could you say??

"After this is all done and you feel you're up for something, you would like to spend a night in Riverclan's territory. Maybe I could help you get your mind off Squirrelflight," A purr rumbled in his throat as he gave the same small smile and lowered his eyelids.

"S-sure man."

What did I just agree to? W-w-wait! 

Before I could ask what I consented to, Hawkfrost was halfway down the shore, too far away from me to hear if I have something to say. I also didn't feel like trying to catch up with him. Great.

I stood in silence just listening to the waves lap at the sand. While there was barely anything to look at due to no stars or moonlight, I still looked up towards the sky. I knew why my mother might be crying at how cruel I was. Not only because I agreed to work with a tom that shared Tigerstar's blood, a wretched leader that killed numerous cats and tore apart their families, directly and indirectly. And not even becoming antisocial, self-loathing, and hateful towards many around me. But because of how I allowed myself spiral out of control, traded my morality for satisfaction, and let's be truthfully honest, became utterly shameless.


End file.
